New Year’s marks a new beginning. The start of new adventures to enjoy and new memories to create. 2016 was also a year filled with new things for us. First words, steps, painting, puzzle solving, fever, hair cut, foods, travels both in the car and on the plane…The list goes on and on. Having a little one has distilled time for us in ways we never expected but so far parenthood has been amazingly fun. We moved into our new digs this past July and even managed to get all of our priceless treasures out of storage by November.
We are so thankful for the love our family shares, the roof over our heads, and continuing love and support from our family and friends.
From our family to yours we wish you a Merry Christmas and the HAPPIEST NEW YEAR ever!
What is the world coming to?! I have been desperately trying to get our garage in some type of order. Too many boxes and way too much crap. Holy hell. Christmas is right around the corner as in this weekend and I hadnt even thought about a gift for the husband. Then I realized when we built this house we left out the garage door opener because I wasnt going to pay 1k to have the builder install ONE garage door opener. We have the double door and a single door. One trip to the home depot yesterday and I am geeking out over a garage door opener. I bought the ryobi one and right now they only have one.
What got me was that it was 2hp vs 1 1/4 hp. I’ve had to replace garbage disposals at every house we have been at in the last two years and hps count. Cant imagine that it’s different for the garage door. This opener is definitely a guys garage opener – not to sound sexist. Did pick up the cord and laser add on’s. Might do the bluetooth speaker as well. This will be my first time installing a garage door… will keep you posted.
On the first Friday in January we will sit down with our new IVF doctor and review the results from the blood work and ultrasound. In a way I am both completely relieved and terrified. It’s nice to be able to just lean back and enjoy the holidays. Although there’s still the “wondering” factor. I am just trying to not get too far along any one line of thought. I also cant seem to stay too zen on “whatever will be will be”. PTSD for IVF exists. I’d say infertility but laying on that table and being wanded by a stranger… I found myself singing christmas carols and trying to relax more. Twitchy doesnt even cover it. PTSD. My tech was ridiculously amazing – seriously that good. It’s been a few years since I was a human pincushion but she found both ovaries fast and helped the resident out. Showing her how to since I am a “not an every day” case. Lucky me. So far there’s really something nice about being at a teaching hospital. I mentioned my blog and the issues at CCRM and they dont CARE!!! As a matter of fact the front check in lady was like “go for it blog away!” I also really like the resident. She’s going to make one hell of a doctor when she gets out on her own. Yes I can say that after two meetings with her. Who knew she was going to be there at 7am for this?! So now we return to our not so regular blogging material until early 2017.
I open a box in search of my IVF records from CCRM and there’s stack and stacks of bills with insurance claims stapled to them. Spreadsheets of costs. Receipts from the pharmacy for drugs and all the paraphernalia… everything dated from March 2014. Over two years ago. I find the large stack of my IVF records, marked and clipped with a huge clip. Right where I thought it would be. Only had to open two boxes…
It just hits me low in the gut. Can I even do this again?! The sheer numbers of our three tries makes me just a little sad. I cant be too heartbroken. The wee is here AND I know deep inside I would have paid almost any price to get here.
And now I sit with a glass of wine and dread feeling in my stomach. Tomorrow is the day. Meeting with a new IVF clinic to find out if we should even consider trying again. Two years older. I’d like to think not impossible but I do want to see if I have any good eggs left. I keep thinking that lightening never strikes twice. We got so lucky once when the odds were really not in our favor. Some ridiculously low statistic of success. How well I remember the stain of failure. The miscarriages, the ectopic, the first round of beautiful looking but genetically abnormal pair of embryos. Then three rounds of banking just to land on our one. I wonder if I have it in me to travel this path all over again.
Before I talk myself off the ledge and out of the doctors office I am going to just remember to breathe and see what he has to say. Am I crazy. I may very well be but what am I willing to give to try for another child? Thats the hard question. So lets start at is it possible or realistic to try.
Seems like every time I come back to my computer its much later than I ever thought possible. Todays the 13th. 2016 is leaving rapidly. We are going to have my SIL and her kiddos visit before the end of the year but before I get to that I should mention that my inlaws are not doing so well health wise. My MIL has been dealing with “eye issues” and is really having a hard time both seeing and with vertigo. My FIL is now in constant pain and unable to sit for long periods. MIL appears to be getting worse but she isnt really talking about it because FIL is in such pain. FIL wont listen to anyone but a doctor and has 4 weeks between now and the appointment to see the Rheumatoid arthritis doc. He did see a spine guy who couldnt help him and referred him to the R Doc but he’s in a lot of pain. I am really surprised that they are not able to help him sooner. (They are on medicare BTW – dont know much about it but looks like we will be learning more). Will sum it up with they spend half the year here and half on the west coast and are now depressed and anxious about what their next steps should be. Have found out that neither one likes to talk with their daughter about whats going on as she is completely dismissive. Will cut them off and say things like “I know so and so who has been dealing with the same thing and is completely fine” and “you arent that old” and so on. You get the gist. It’s dismissive with a “one up” vibe. Who the hell would ever want to share?
And so the inlaws visits weigh heavy and I am walking away from any and all things health related with them. Just cant and wont. Not for me to solve, help or take on. AND I find myself worried about what my MIL will take on when her daughter and kids get here. It’s not like I have ever seen my SIL make things easier for anyone. They dont shop and cook or take care of that stuff.