Doing the same thing over and over

Insanity. I guess the good news is the pain of not changing has now over come the pain of attempting change. I had forgotten (imagine that) how honest I feel I can be in this space. My life is currently not feeling very authentic (and yes I am working on that). It’s easy to get mired in the everyday. The hundreds of small things that I let eat away at my self esteem and confidence. I thought I’d try to put down the current state of affairs in my world –

INLAWs – My MIL is losing her health. Started with her eye sight and has moved on to her declining mobility and health. I see her at least every Sunday. This past Sunday there were tears because she’s sad and frustrated that she can no longer change the sheets on their bed. Her health is all they really talk about. She’s turning 80 this year. She’s not fighting hard and always wonders out loud if it’d be better for her mind to go so she wouldnt have to experience her body going. HARD. That’s all I have. She doesnt want help. My FIL doesnt want help. Their preference is to simply complain about their state of affairs. They are getting ready to head back to the west coast to close up shop on their home there. Another hot topic of conversation. Between the health issues, paradigm changing house selling and judgment on my parenting I find myself not looking forward to spending time with them. In fact my menus on Sunday have become more elaborate so I can stay distracted cooking longer…

Boulder Friend – I feel like I really have only one local friend that I know well. She’s going through a rough time with her mom and had become MIA. She will text back if I text but other than that it’s radio silence. Its been weeks so it’s hard to misinterpret where this friendship is at. Think I am having issues letting go.

Taxes – Delayed and still in the throws of. AND an audit from 2014 taxes on moving expenses.

Things – I feel overwhelmed by the amount of crap in our home. I am tired of being tired of it. Working on the purge just wished it happened faster.

Crossfit – Quit the gym. Losing my nanny for june/july and already had a hard time making it more than once a week. Time for something else.


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