I bought in

We are on day 8 of potty training. I ordered a copy of Oh Crap Potty Training and realized after reading the first few chapters that if we were going to do this we had no other time then right now. So we ditched the diapers and spend a few naked days before family came to visit. We also just went for it with both daytime and night time training. The wee one has both grasped and embraced the concept. Thank goodness for Daniel Tigers Life Lessons cause if you have to go potty stop and go right away! 

But since his arrival I have heard it all on the potty topic. Every judgement and myth and I bought in. Diapers are easy and reliable. You know where the poop goes…because let’s face it that’s the real issue. A little pee doesn’t even phase me these days. Saint Bernard sized poo… well no one wants to clean that up on the regular. 

So we went with it. Bathroom skills. We also have made a game out of pottys in public. What color is the soap? Are there paper towels or a blower? It was fun explaining the concept of potties are everywhere! Pee and poop go in the potty.

Never condsidered it before and yet here we are at 28 months working on it. Hasn’t been as rough as I have been lead to believe. Hasn’t been anything like I thought.

Never ever did I even consider that we would be going cold turkey on the diapers. Especially since most skills up to now have been the gradual build. 

I worry about school and the wee one

Worry. I wish I could shake it but I worry about the kiddo and school. The schools in our district are great. I also have really really enjoyed our time at Friends School in Boulder. I’d love for preschool to be there but we miss the age cut off and next year seems a world away. I worry mainly because I know that the social component is so critical at this stage. I have tried the play date route and it’s just not working. Not in the least. I can certainly keep trying but it’s very disheartening. For me. Not sure the kid notices. Which is really the best I could hope for. But the worry is something that I wish I could shake. SO since I like to plan and plan I am visiting more preschools to see if there’s a good fit. I havent completely ruled out CU but I am a little anti parting with my wee one for three days a week. Not sure I can handle it. Yes its coming. The days when he will have stuff to do but I am so grateful to have this time. It’s a fine line between wanting him to socialize and not being with him.

 

Hawaiian inspired – stressed based

I always wonder about starting a food blog. Seems like the other half of my life is putting meals together both daily and special. Recently I have just been so personally stress that I have been craving Hawaiian food. Mainly mac salad and kalua pork. I love the internet and folks who share recipes as it just so happens I found the BEST recipes for both mac salad and slow cooker kalua pork. Might be a few pounds heavier right now esp with an avery liliko’i beer or two but damn if it doesnt bring back beachy Hawaiian dreams.

Turning down work

I have not been feeling like a “successful” person. Things in general have just been hard. No two ways about it. BUT one of my old employers came with an offer of work. I was so excited. I am so specialized in what I do that it felt so damn good to have someone come calling for work. AND then the other shoe dropped. The project’s scope was completely impossible. From deadline to content. I felt my stress level go rocketing and just knew the only answer was to turn it down. Cant refer it. Cant do it. Just have to let it go and walk away. So I did. I tried to be very nice about it but it was still a no. The whole thing has hit hard but after the Megan debacle I have no clue how I could take on that much responsibility and survive.

Doing the same thing over and over

Insanity. I guess the good news is the pain of not changing has now over come the pain of attempting change. I had forgotten (imagine that) how honest I feel I can be in this space. My life is currently not feeling very authentic (and yes I am working on that). It’s easy to get mired in the everyday. The hundreds of small things that I let eat away at my self esteem and confidence. I thought I’d try to put down the current state of affairs in my world –

INLAWs – My MIL is losing her health. Started with her eye sight and has moved on to her declining mobility and health. I see her at least every Sunday. This past Sunday there were tears because she’s sad and frustrated that she can no longer change the sheets on their bed. Her health is all they really talk about. She’s turning 80 this year. She’s not fighting hard and always wonders out loud if it’d be better for her mind to go so she wouldnt have to experience her body going. HARD. That’s all I have. She doesnt want help. My FIL doesnt want help. Their preference is to simply complain about their state of affairs. They are getting ready to head back to the west coast to close up shop on their home there. Another hot topic of conversation. Between the health issues, paradigm changing house selling and judgment on my parenting I find myself not looking forward to spending time with them. In fact my menus on Sunday have become more elaborate so I can stay distracted cooking longer…

Boulder Friend – I feel like I really have only one local friend that I know well. She’s going through a rough time with her mom and had become MIA. She will text back if I text but other than that it’s radio silence. Its been weeks so it’s hard to misinterpret where this friendship is at. Think I am having issues letting go.

Taxes – Delayed and still in the throws of. AND an audit from 2014 taxes on moving expenses.

Things – I feel overwhelmed by the amount of crap in our home. I am tired of being tired of it. Working on the purge just wished it happened faster.

Crossfit – Quit the gym. Losing my nanny for june/july and already had a hard time making it more than once a week. Time for something else.

Tale of two Megan’s

So I have been trying to get out and get the kiddo socializing with other kiddos. Pretty much a bust so far. We are also still nursing. Have been working on night weaning. One step forward and forty back but thats another post. We havent been having the best nights sleep. I am bleary and not all there (see post about turning work down). BUT here’s a great example of my life these days.

Neighbors daughter invited us over for a play date. We went. Other moms were there. This was in Boulder – this is an important point. I was introduced and surprised at the crowd but went with it. Brought a coffee with 3 shots of espresso. Trying to be present and keep up. The host “Megan” kept referring to Megan. I was so confused. Wondering if she was speaking about herself in the third person… This went on for the duration of the visit. Megan will, megan has… you get the idea. AND this is Boulder. Weird is normal. She could refer to herself in the third. No completely crazy but made me so uncomfortable the whole time…

well 10 minutes before I feel I can politely excuse myself from this crazy lady I realize the OTHER mom is named Megan… I am an ass. AND I blurt out exceptionally relived – “OH YOU ARE BOTH NAMED MEGAN…”  then I share why I am so relived.

Not sure I’d invite me back.