It’s been crazy interesting meeting the folks who live up here in Modjeska. For those of you who know Orange County CA but have never been up to Silverado or Modjeska – they are little canyon enclaves just 8 miles from Tustin/Orange or Foothills – depending on your direction in. Not everyone but most folks up here have been here a while. As in a long while. The propane guy has stories about how the roads in his childhood werent paved and then the water company wanted to protect their investment so then they got paved… I think the biggest difference between Colorado canyon living and California canyon living is folks in California are NOT friendly. They may warm up and they may be nicer the 3rd or 4th time you meet them but upon first blush they are NOT smiling and nice folks.
I have a few examples to round that statement out. We walk our dogs rather early in the am between 5am and 6am. Every now and again we run into someone we have not met and I will manage to get out more than a quick “hello” – it’s usually a good morning or nice to see you. The responses we have gotten back have been everything from “where do you live” to “hey you – are you the dog walker…” I do try to not be sarcastic back.
We met our neighbor up the way and when I mentioned that I hoped we’d find some time to catch up he let me know that he might had time around Xmas for that… warm and fuzzy these folks are not.
Most seem to be retired or living in their “family” homes. I am sure we will get the lay of the land at some point but for now I can safely say that I simply smile and wave to the half naked hippy men who seem to wander aimlessly walking dogs during the day. Beats the throngs in the concrete jungle any day!
I can’t believe that we have actually spent a few dollars on baby items!! I hate to say that it seemed timely but I have been watching baby items on craigslist. I’ve been torn on what I want to spend on brand new items vs. used. After all arent they only this little once?! It’s scary to buy anything for Mile High before his arrival but part of me feels like that with less than 3 months to go we should be figuring out the nursery. At least to the point where we know where we might be laying him down for a nap and a place to put clothes and diaper stuff. We have figured out at least the start of diapers and I’ll let that be it’s own post but the crib and furniture were a little tougher. I found I was concerned about how thin the rails were, if there had be recall and what type of materials – paint, wood, etc where used in the construction. We spent so much time trying to get pregnant that I really hadnt even thought these practical items through.
We did settle on an Italian made crib from Pali and of course one that was used. I wanted one with top rails thick enough that the crib wouldnt become a chew toy. Evidently the Carmen model was purchased was made in Italy and designed to be a “forever” bed. Meaning the crib turns into a toddlers bed and then into a fullsized headboard and footboard. I am not sure that we will used it that long but I did love that it didnt have a ton of moving pieces!!!! I think I’ve been a climber too long but when I look at all of the “inter locking and transforming” baby crap I get nervous about all the moving pieces and multiple spots for failure. We (my huzz and I) are hard on things. We live live with and on the items we buy. They need to last. So it was $120 bucks to another mother for her crib and changing table….
It’s time to step away from the barren land where my husband seed could find no purchase but I am not quite at ready to enter that happy green fertile place where pregnancy happens when two people have intercourse which ends in at least a male orgasm and baby made. This is the hello kitty smiley face and heart covered calendar,blogosphere and mommy cutesy place that I would never enter willingly. That happy place of first pregnancy with no infertility scars. Neither space fits. One is too sad and the other way too sugary happy. Infertility has taken away my pregnancy “innocence” and left some scars and bumps that need to be overcome. Hence this new blog. A new space to share my journey through the crooked path of motherhood. Infertility has taught me so many things and that is simply another post. For now I need a new place where I can share – candidly – my new journey of pregnancy and letting go of my infertile fears.
I do not feel guilty per se sharing my happiness with my infertile friends. It’s simply not the forum for me to share the discomforts of early pregnancy (and I seem to have more than my fair share). I can not control how anyone else feels or responds. I just hate that infertility can be so damn challenging to over come. It’s not like hardwork, desire and drive truly change the outcome. Words like “deserve” can not be used in conjunction with any type of success. Solving infertility is just not that simple. I think every woman has the right to be a mother. Should be a mother if they so desire. I feel so unbelievable lucky to live in this interesting time where technology has made it possible for me to have the ability to have a child.
IVF is expensive, complex, stressful, painful and sometime downright invasive but at the end of it all you hope you hold your very own little one.
For those of you who have been with me on my IVF journey I need to say that the clinic where I was treated sent me an “out of the blue” letter complaining about my blog and how clearly “unhappy” I must be with their services… It was strange to be tracked down by an IVF clinic with nothing but my information on the blog. For the record I stand by my clinic and my honest sharing of our IVF experience. I have opted to simply move over to a new blog that is unrelated to the original one. I feel that I can share much more personal information without the search engine pulling up the clinic results… that and the way they handled things really creeped me out. Any time the stats on that site go through the roof I just know it’s staff or someone at that clinic “reading through”. But there is also too much information that I feel I need to share so with a heavy heart I leave that path and move on to this one!!
Here’s to the Crooked Path Through Motherhood – and may I be lucky enough to make it there!!!